


mending

by doofusface



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Character Study, Drabble, F/M, IM TOO LAZY TO TAG EVERYONE - Freeform, Implied Relationships, ish, spoilers for feywild arcccc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-31 13:54:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8581096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doofusface/pseuds/doofusface
Summary: She hears Saundor every day.A bit of a character study.





	

She hears Saundor every day.

It’s the sickening voice at the back of her head every time a member of her family gets hurt. The dread of knowing that this is her burden—her fault, her greed. There is pain and guilt when Vax falls once more, when Keyleth or Scanlan is barely conscious, when Grog is bleeding more than he can handle, when Pike has to perform a revival. When Trinket howls in pain, but refusing to leave her.

When Percy is dead, and he is cold, and he is no longer there.

Saundor’s voice is a curse to her as Orthax was to Percy, and even when the tinkerer is back in the land of the living she can't help but assume this is on her. One more moment to check for traps, to spot the gunpowder, to do _something_.

One more moment to keep Vox Machina alive—all of Vox Machina, because when one falls, all do. There is a piece of each of them within the others, and while she, logically, should know they would never blame her, this is her load. This is on her.

It takes days for her to realize the woman in the mirror must be forgiven. _Must_ —there is no moving on from this if this step is skipped. It takes days and words from her brother; so many words from him, really. It's a welcome thought.

It takes days and words from her brother and a kiss from someone who has her heart, and she is starting to feel alright.

She is starting to fight the mangy voice that creeps up every silent hour; the voice that knows her faults and isn't afraid to speak them aloud. She kicks it back with Keyleth’s encouraging words, and Grog’s blunt love; with Pike’s warm words of healing and Scanlan’s wild limericks; with Percy’s easy kisses and Trinket’s unwavering loyalty. And Vax is always there, and he will always be there, and she _knows_ —the fight is long, but it’s _worth it_.

She fights the voice with a tip from Percy—a heavy-handed dose of forgiveness, to herself and to others. She will accept the pain, and wash it with the love she’s surrounded by. She will shoot.

She will not miss.

And Saundor, that hellish leech, he will stop creeping his way into her mind. He will be silenced.

When Vorugal falls she hears cheering, and _yes_ , this is on her. It’s freedom.

It’s forgiveness.

**Author's Note:**

> cool


End file.
